Archive for April, 2008

They wonder why I never do anything with them!?! They change “the plan” three times ( one being last night at 10 and the next being this morning at 630), it has to be harried and stressful or they dont feel they are getting enough out of me. Now I gotta take ami outta school early(thus the reason for the 630 call this am),cause we cant just get her @ 3 then go on to leavenworth…NO! that would only get us there @ 345ish(the way lona drives) and an hour early just wont do. she is so afraid that someone will get together and not include her that we have to get to my grandmas(the launch pad) at 3pm. we cant get in the courthouse after 430(the wedding is at 445), so we will leave my grandmas @4 so we can be at the courthouse by 415 and stand for the next 30minutes! Fun! The newlyweds are taking off after the ceremony, and the rents are fishing for everyone else(them,gma,aunt,uncle,sister,brother-in-law,ami,myself) to go out and have dinner together or eat a gma’s house. ANything for a free meal! But aint nothing FREE bout it for me. luckily,to my knowledge,there is no get together planned for after. the party is on friday. so, I get to spend TWO fun filled evenings with the family! at least friday I m not riding out there with the rents! so maybe it will be less stress. it doesnt start til 730 so, i shouldnt have to leave the house until 630 or so…much more respectable time frame. i am so tired!!!

If you have not heard of this show yet, it is a series that was filmed of 12 girls over their 4 years of high school. It was filmed here in kansas at blue valley northwest. they have had a whole host of different experiences ranging from a boring girl scout who does everything shes told and never steps off that line…to girls getting knocked up or trying to kill themselves. It is good to see that these girls have some of the same problems that me and my friends faced in school. Also my daughter will be in high school in four short years, and it is nice to know I will know some of the stuff she is going through and be better able to help her through it. the lady who came up with idea was a genius! and also the fact that it was filmed here in kansas is pretty cool. not a whole lot of reality tv is filmed here. I would recommend this show it is very enlightening!

I am glad tax season is over and I am looking forward to getting a vehicle again!!! it has been difficult without one.

My exhusband hasnt seen Ami since easter weekend…except for an overnight stay when he came thru town a few weeks ago. he doesnt make her a priority, but I am supposed to keep him up to speed on her life. he should tell his boss that every 4-6 weeks is bullshit to see his daughter. the good thing is she has a great stepdad that she is very close to. he is there for her every day and she ust eats up the attention! i am so glad she has a male influence. she loves him to death and he is pretty hooked on her too.

I am starting a list of people I want to tell this…on a regular basis! and it aint a short one!!! why is it that people have to share their misery with everyone else? it is one thing to let off some steam, but to be an asshole just for the sake of doing it is retarded. Oh i wish I could just start handing out cards or something when someone is really being a douche that say…”Go fuck yourself!” I bet if I had 500 printed I could give them out in a few days (mostly to the same people repeatedly). I am so tired of pretending certain people dont bug me or make me want to hurt them. I can see why people love paintball…there are a couple I could think of at the moment whom I would love to hit them in the face with a few thousand paintballs.

My nickname is Nessie…I was watching a show on finding the loch ness monster ( they were looking all the way in Scotland,not knowing I am here in good ol’ Kansas). They showed the cutest little stuffed Nessie! I want one so bad! but I cant order it over the internet *tears and sadness*. I am going to have to go all the way to scotland to get the damn thing…that sucks!!! oh, well at least they got the surronded in water thing…it is raining cats and dogs right now. I am thinking of building an ark. If I start gathering animals, then you may know we have a problem.

I love when people constantly remind of the same things over and over again. i didnt care the 1st time, or the 2nd, much less the 3rd and so forth. people are mistaken about the definition of the term manipulation. why is it people only see manipulative behavior when they want to fault someone for it? not when it is in their face and very obvious. People definately have their rose colored glasses on and I will not be the one to point out the obvious to them. ya know that whole kill the messenger thing?

either way i am so tired of pretending i get along with people i think are two faced and nosey…just because they may be useful (interferring in my business all the way). i guess that is life. i hate feeling like i owe a person for being nice. if you are going to be “helpful” do it out of the kindness of your heart, not just because you get somehting out of it. i am so irritable. i think my kitty knows i am grumpy…she is sleeping on my leg. they say just petting your animal can lower your blood pressure. i feel calmer already!

i cant wait til monday and i can finish up this black cloud hanging over my head and relax!

I have been so busy lately…with NOTHING! i couldnt tell you what i have been doing but i feel as if have been running around like crazy. I want to find a job! I need to find a jobl ! things are getting weird without it. let’s just say it will make EVERYONE feel better. why is it a peson can tell you all the good things in the world, but as soon as they say a few bad things…that you believe!! I feel as though it is my own mentality…but I cant help but be deeply affected by it. why can i not get past it? i want to. i am trying to get past it. i just cant seem to let it go…just when i think that it is going away, it rears its ugly head. why is the shit harder to get rid of mentally? I just want to put it all behind me…I will, it just wont happen as soon as most would like it to. take care

I thought about doing something clever for april fools day, but i couldnt motivate myself to do anything. i have been fighting my body on trying to get better faster than it wants to. but it will submit to my will!!!

Ami brought home her spring pictures the other day and they are so pretty. I thnk it is the most beautiful picture she has ever taken. thatt is all i’m gonna post for now…bye!