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It is with great sadness that I am now sharing the following news…there is an ill member of our family. His name is Anthony (not my beautiful nephew) and he and I are extremely close (…and yes, Honey is aware of our relationship). He makes me smile and laugh, keeps me up to date on all the latest and greatest trends and tips (even if I follow few to none of them), always knows the latest celebrity gossip before anyone else(everyone has a guilty pleasure…right?!?), suggests really cool and tasty new recipes to try out on the family, he even brings me to tears on rare occasions. Yes, Anthony and I have become almost inseparable. But a few weeks ago I noticed him fading out a bit while we were chatting…nothing major at 1st, but then he would completely black out for minutes at a time! I became very concerned and request he receive an evaluation immediately. Not by some old out of practice quack either…”No!” not my friend…not Anthony he deserved the very best of the best!

We got him in for a check up and described the symptoms and I won’t lie, at 1st it didn’t look good. But after some tests and a consult the problem seemed to be minor. Happiness! Not only was my Anthony ok, but he was no longer showing any of the old symptoms…nothing! He was good as new (well as good as when I met him anyway…*kisses*). The treatment was painless and fast and he felt great! Everything was right with the world again.

But then ( it’s never that simple), after a couple of weeks having had no more “episodes” we started to notice the fade returning. Nothing as fast or as severe as the last time, but it was bothersome nonetheless. So I kept monitoring the situation…did it get worse at certain times of the day…maybe coincide with being hungry? Was it identical to the episodes before or had something changed? How did he react after an episode was he sluggish or confused, did he have any personality changes associated with this mystery illness? He never seemed to have an awareness of the fading out, and when he would “wake up” he would continue on as if nothing had happened.

So we fast forward to today. Anthony and I have been hanging out most of the night and into the day today (I suffer from occasional insomnia and have trouble falling asleep…almost the exact opposite problem. Go figure. We are like in and yang. Which is hilarious to me since he is Japanese) and at about 3 am I noticed he faded, just a flicker, a blink and you missed it, kind of thing. Then it happened again like 20 minutes later and 3x in the next 30 min. I was getting very upset by this and I asked him if he felt ok, said he was fine…”No worries!”. By 6am I had witnessed about a dozen flickers no actual loss of consciousness, but each time I felt as if I were holding my breath to see if I would need to perform CPR*(see below) to save his life.

We got the family off to school and work just fine and even managed to watch some TV and scramble some eggs for breakfast. I was getting a bit ADD after 8am and was running around like a nut starting a project and moving to another jumping around from place to place (literally) doing one seemingly pointless task after another. Like a great friend does, he went with it and helped me with everything and then I realized he was not just fading…he was almost crashing. He blacked out once, twice, three times…OMG! What can I do?!? His physician was in bed, couldn’t get him up. No one else was familiar with this case, I can’t just get help anywhere. They could do more harm than good.

I sat with him for the next 2 1/2 hours. Never leaving his side, watching as he blacked out time and time again…helpless to stop it or even slow it down. I happened to get a call from the “doc” and I explained what was going on they were stumped. Suggestions of things that we could do to help were thrown around, but the main consensus is that we can try a thing or two but this may not be something they can cure.

 

So after 2 almost 3 years with Anthony I may loose him,despite my best efforts. I am beyond devastated! What will I do?!? How will I survive this? The only good news in a situation like this is knowing when the time comes to say goodbye to my wonderful and talented friend I can do so secure in the knowledge I do have a back up standing by.

I fear that might not be an option for some, but I am lucky I guess. I’m sure Dexter will love having some attention again. He has been largely ignored by me for the last 2 1/2 years (sorry…only have so much time to spend). Whatever happens (if Anthony pulls through or Dexter steps up to bat), I feel Honey will do his best to make it as easy for me as possible.

Oh and BTW…you know Anthony is my computer, right?!?

*CPR-computer problem research

  

People confuse me. Why is it we say one thing, but do another? Get angry at someone for reacting badly to our words or actions? Let our emotions govern our environment? Sometimes I feel 4 years old again, wondering “Why?”.

I think it must be a human thing to analyze and over analyze other people’s words or lack thereof…I just can’t picture a group of young female hippos lets say, sitting around in the river wondering if a boy hippo will come stand next to her. “What does that tail shake mean do you think?” or “I saw him staring at Wendy(another female hippo)…do you think he might like her better?” I just cant picture it (ok, maybe I can…but totally not the point).

Any thoughts?!?

  

So it is thought that putting “The End” on a play or movie denotes the completion of the story. But I think I have to disagree. What are today’s ends but tomorrow’s beginnings?!?

With that in mind, it is time for graduation (not for me, but the Kiddo is certainly looking forward to it). This is but a small taste of what it shall be like in 4 years, but there is still a lot to get done. Gown purchase…check, announcements…?, baby picture for yearbook…check, gonna need a new outfit (both for mom and kid) and millions of other things I have no idea about yet, but that will loom large in my future very soon! I wonder if you can invite everyone you need/want to? When I went to graduation we could only have 6 tickets (sounds like a lot, but mom, dad, sister there was 3 of them) and in the end only my mom and dad actually came for it (most of my friends were there with me anyways). But I can think of a good 20-25 people right off the top of my head who will want to see this event. 3 months away…3 MONTHS AWAY!?! OMG…how am I gonna be ready for this?!? I’m not ready for this.

I am feeling so old and my baby can’t be so grown up (at least age wise)! Kids have a way of making the passage of time seem almost artificial…you blink and there goes 10 years. Enough of my ranting…oooo, I blinked. Did this post take 10 years to write?!?

  

So something that is definitely bugging me…Paula Deen’s diagnosis of Type II diabetes. Yes, it is an awful disease that many people of the baby boomer generation are now facing. Yes, Paula is a successful woman who has made her fortune in the cooking arena. Lastly, Paula has signed on to be a spokes person for a medication that will treat her diabetes II symptoms. Of all these things…I see nothing wrong!!! It is neither our business or her obligation to share this with the world. Yes, she cooks in a style that when over indulged can lead to complications…but are we not adults?!? Can we no longer say…”I think I am goanna eat a smaller portion, or eat a salad with that dish, or even maybe I will exercise a bit extra to compensate for the extra bit of fat and calories!”. Anthony Ordain ,a chef, I both admire and enjoy watching made a big fuss of her eating a cheese burger and fries on her recent cruise…why the hell is it any of his damn business what she eats or when? He was a massive drug addict for many years and yet he continues to enjoy a drink or two when he is shooting his shows on beautiful locations around the world. Does anyone take pictures of him doing things that seem counterproductive to a sober lifestyle? Has he become such a snob that he thinks his is the only lifestyle one should embrace? Lastly, why are celebrities in our society obligated to share personal details about their health? I have Muscular Dystrophy and I don’t introduce myself that way to strangers…why should they have to? “Hi, I’m Vanessa and I suffer from …”oh wait, that isn’t how its done. Maybe Tony Bourdain can tell me how to be better at it…and can go fuck himself in the process.

The Costa Concordia has been everywhere in the news these past few weeks, and as more and more time passes (and now the search for the remaining missing has been halted, leaving the death toll at around 30-40 persons) we are hearing increasing outrage that the Captain left the ship before his passengers were made safe passage to shore. But is a maritime tradition (the Captain is the last to leave a sinking ship) really basis for a law? Yes, if it is the captain’s fault (I tend to lean toward that opinion) he should be charged in the murder and assault of all those people who paid him to get them safely around on their vacations. If he was following company policies, then yes the company should be held liable. But forcing a captain to “go down with his ship” is that any different than him feeling if he could make it to safety, then so could his passengers? I do not think the Captain acted in a manner that was either ethical or legal, but the human instinct to persevere self above all else…isn’t logical or ethical. If the ship had been capsized due to weather, or through no fault of the crew…would he still be charged with protecting himself? I would love to one day take a cruise, but they are no longer these elegant, special, and exclusive trips any longer. They are closer to what seems to me to be a cattle call for people to pay high amounts of money to go places they might never have been able to go without the ease or floating city carrying them around from one gorgeous locale to another. We pay thousands of dollars just to be sandwiched into glorified sardine cans and then when a problem arises…we expect to be treated like VIP’s and carried away from even the smallest hint of discomfort on a fluffy white cloud of invincibility. I am in no way saying that the people on that ship who were hurt, killed, trapped, or lost we in any way responsible for their situation!!! But at what point does our slavering for justice reduce us to the stereotypical angry mob mentality? Where are our pitchforks…our torches? we have instead replace those antiquated tools for webcams and phones with video and picture technology.

I haven’t bitched bout it for a bit, but I still hate my disrespectful and angry, loud neighbors. They started yelling at each other before 530am today. Who has that kind of energy to be that confrontational in the am?!?

  

So I have always known that my kid isn’t the greatest doer of the homework, she can be a bit lazy, and more than a little dishonest when she feels in danger of punishment. The thing I can’t seem to figure out is…the worst punishment she has ever received is being grounded! I would think that after countless occurrences of her getting in trouble more for the dishonesty itself rather than the wrong deed, she would fess up. Not every time, but more often than not I would think! I am at a loss on how to better motivate her to do the right thing. I have begged, bribed, threatened, and bargained with this kid to try and figure out a better way to accomplish this and have so far been unsuccessful.

The only thing that can give me comfort is the knowledge that this is all a part of the natural order of things. I mean if our children didn’t drive us completely insane, how would we ever bear to be able to let them move out and go on to find families of their own?!? I wish it wasn’t so thoroughly easy to understand this on one hand and so upset, angry and disappointed on the other.

The Kiddo was the cause of a very early meeting at her school yesterday morning and after her teachers and principal (plus Honey and I) got through with our discussion of her actions and inactions she choose to lash out and embarrass Honey. I do believe she was only attempting to move the bulls eye off the dead center of her (even if only slightly) and did not mean it to come from a place of malice. But not only did it make me angry at her and heart broken for my love, but it embarrassed me that apparently I have not taught her better than to treat her loved ones in such a manner.

I have thoroughly enjoyed being a mother and do wish that someday I will also get to enjoy watching my child go through the happiness of herself becoming a mother, I do so wish this particular personality trait is not passed on to my grandchildren (not due to the uncomfortable feelings of dealing with it, more so that my child never knows what this feels like as a parent) but if it does pass on to the next generation of my family I will love them and attempt to help The Kiddo be as empathetic and loving as is needed when dealing with the erratic and confusing young adolescent child.

Some days I wish we lived 200 hundred years ago times were simpler and expectations so different. No technology to get in the way of development of young persons, the daily regiment of chores, education and social development. It seems like it would be such a nice way to grow both as a person and family. But without technology I wouldn’t be able to express my thoughts and ideas in such a way…

  

So, on the 16th of December Frankie L. Meza was sentenced for murdering my cousin Matt. I was ill and unable to attend the hearing, but I was reading an article about what transpired and I am floored.

On the one hand, she was punished and she will be spending a chunk of her future in jail. She will serve almost 7 years in prison, and her sentences were put consecutively so she will serve each of them before the next will start. I do not feel like any measure of time will ever be enough to make up for the pain and loss that she makes us all feel on a daily basis. But I am glad she will have to live the rest of her life being constantly reminded of the life she stole from Matt.

Frankie did not plead guilty to the crimes which she committed, she put off the trial starting several times so she could hire this investigator or that one to try and find a loophole to keep her from punishment. In an article from The Leavenworth Times the following are statements made by Frankie, her husband and brother, as well as her attorney;

“When given the opportunity to speak, Meza said she’s never been more sorry about anything in her life.

“I’m truly, truly sorry,” she said.

Her husband, Robert, also spoke.

“She feels this horror every day, every night,” he said.

He asked the Groves family to forgive his wife.

Meza’s brother also spoke, saying his sister cries every day.

Meza’s attorney, Charles Ball, had filed a motion seeking to have Meza placed on probation and entered into a treatment program. He said his client has been engaged in counseling.

Ball said Meza will never forget what happened and always will be sentenced to a maximum security prison in her own mind.

Deputy County Attorney John Bryant argued against Meza being placed on probation.

He said she’d received a diversion in 2000 for a DUI but had repeated the offense this year, resulting in the crash.

Bryant said he believed placing Meza on probation could jeopardize the community.

Sundby said he found there was not a substantial or compelling reason to depart from the state’s sentencing guidelines.

He sentenced Meza to 41 months for the manslaughter charge, which was considered the standard sentence under the state guidelines.”

She cries every day?!? She will NEVER FORGET what happened?!? She is truly, truly sorry?!? If she was truely suffering the despair due to her actions, if she really felt any remorse, she would have pled “Guilty” instead of “No Contest”. She was saying; I can’t fiind a way out of being convicted, so I will let you decide what punishment I get. She murdered a man and she thought probation would be punishment enough. That the “memory of what she did was already sentencing her to prison in her mind”…well if she drinks to point of not knowing what she is doing, how will she be able to remember what she has done?!?

2012 is in its 2nd week, and I have high hopes that with a new year comes more good than bad. I’m not making a resolution this year…I won’t make myself a promise I may not be able to keep. I am gonna try to start over mentally, I am hopeful …things seem better.

If only I could mute my neighbors, maybe that could be my resolution next year *thinks*?!?

  

I have loved the process of cooking since I was 5 or 6 years old. I remember watching my grandma cook, her letting me stir or put things in the oven. Then when I was in middle/high school and I took different Foods classes…I absolutely fell in love! I even took over the cooking for my family when I was about 14. My mom didn’t like to cook and so she pretty much turned the kitchen over to me.

I have worked in professional kitchens in just about every position (sous chef, prep chef, chef de cuisine…etc.), I have worked gourmet food shops, worked in schools (planning menus, purchasing, serving) both as a cook and manager and have run a private catering service. I hung up my apron with much sadness 4 or so years ago. Unfortunately…my muscular dystrophy made it unbearable to do that physical of a job.

As a female, immersing myself in a male dominated profession I have experienced the best and worse of male behavior in the kitchens. I do have big name chefs that I have loved and respected most of my life, both male and female.

I am sitting here watching the TV show “Chopped All Stars” and in the final round it came down to Chef Aaron Sanchez and Chef Nate Appleman…one of the judges was Chef Marcus Samuelson (he won TopChef Masters the 2nd season). I have to say,Chefs Samuelson and Appleman are everything that is bad about male chefs. Are they talented…yes! But they are cocky, snarky, mean spirited, arrogant, and very rude! I feel that they give the whole profession a bad name. I hate to watch them, I don’t want to see them succeed, and I hope they will just go away!

I love everything else about this show, but it really makes me sad that this asshole (Appleman) won…if the money didn’t go to charity I would probably be done with the show as a whole. But it is hard to get angry with a charity getting much needed funds!

  

Honey very rarely gets sick. When he does get sick, he is able to go to sleep and stay there for 24 hours. At the end of 24 hours or so he usually feels much better. Sometimes he still has a bit of a cough, but for the most part he feels ok. He is also a HUGE baby when he is sick.

If Kiddo or I get sick his 1st and only line when he finds out is “Don’t give it to me!” (not “I’m sorry to hear that.” or “Is there anything I can do to help?”). So when I found out Honey was feeling icky…I said that to him. Half joking around, and then I took care of him.

Xmas eve after dinner I was feeling crappy. But it wasn’t anything as bad as Honey’s cold. So I thought I had a milder version of the cold. Fast forward to Xmas day around noon, Kiddo isn’t doing very well. She has a red rudolph little nose and is coughing and just very restless. We are at Honey’s families xmas get together, and I have her go and lay down. We get home and she goes right to bed. Honey has the potamus over to play video games (potamous is a friend’s nickname) and I am feeling gradually worse and worse.

By the time I woke up the next morning, I can hardly breathe, it hurts very bad to swallow, and I hurt everywhere. Damn you Honey! Not only do I have to take care of myself while feeling sick, I have to care for a sick Kiddo!!! Luckily she actually wants to spend her day in bed. So that hasn’t been so bad, but I think I was hit by a truck sometime in the last 24 hours…did anyone get the license number?!?

I haven’t had a bad cold in almost 6 years…maybe I will get over it fast like Honey did. I can hope.

  

Of my damn noisy neighbors!!!

So the holiday season is in full swing and the mad dash to get gifts, groceries, and other assorted goodies is well underway. I am having a hard time feeling the “holiday spirit” this year. We have had a train wreck in 2011. Frankly, I will be very happy to say goodbye on 12-31-11 @2400!!! Some days I dont know how we are still standing.

I am, however, very thankful for Honey and the Kiddo…if I didn’t have them…let’s just say its a very good thing I do have such a wonderful family!

My friend is fighting for her life against a very stubborn cancer and she is undergoing an aggressive chemo line up. I know she is strong and very brave, but I worry about her all the time. She will celebrate her 1st anniversary in January…6 days after her 34th birthday. I am hoping so strongly that she will see her 2nd anniversary and 35th bday. But I do believe it is one day at a time right now. She isn’t reacting well to her chemo, but it is her only chance at fighting.

My puppy (who left us in July) was diagnosed with cancer in 2003 and she lasted until this year (no chemo for her though). If LeeLee could fight that long, I have no doubt Bird can.

The Kiddo is driving me slightly crazy. I have to keep her from getting suspended (not cause she has behavior probs…she just very lazy!). She is so scatterbrained and forgetful. I wish I could figure out how to help her through this. But if she has 2 more “incidents” then we have to pay $90 for a sub to sit with her for a day and she will lose credit for all the work from that day! Just what a struggling student needs.

We have lost friends and family members this year as well. I miss them so much…especially during this time of year.

Bring on the new year and hopefully with it will come some peace and happiness. And if it doesn’t…The Mayan calendar is set to end in December I believe. Let it burn baby!!!

  

So today is my Honey’s birthday. He has choosen to already receive his gift, but I couldnt stop myself from celebrating just a little bit. He has yet to discover this…but I decorated Stella!!! I put “Happy Birthday” banners on both sides of her (you see her coming and going) and put stickers on the windows…hee hee. I also gave him a button to wear to work today that looks like a blue ribbon award but it is transformers themed. He’d better wear it too! I will fight dirty on that one (not that I dont normally *wink*)!!!

Honey…I hope you have a wonderful birthday. I love you very much and am very glad you are in love with me too!