Chris really has a death wish i think. He bought another computer without asking me first. This time I got not one but two t-shirts. The only thing that has kept him breathing, is that this time the computer is for me!!! When he brought this box in the house he was grinning like fool. He then kept teasing me about what I was getting for xmas. I was trying to be good and not think of it ( so it didn’t drive me bonkers) and all he wanted to do was keep bringing it up. When we decided to open the gifts on xmas eve ( we still had to xchange gifts with his family on xmas day), he told me I had to do the big box last. Whatever , I thought. THen while I was opening it I asked if there was a picture of it on the box ( I had also told him that since he ws being a wise ass, he wouldnt get any reaction out of me. He kept saying how he couldnt wait to see my reaction.)…he paused then I realised it was a jumbo box of toilet paper (or so said the picture). He and Toni died laughing and said “Yes!!!” . So I opened the box and there was two t-shirts, one is pink floyd and the other has a squirrel who says,” The people who drive me the most nuts are in my family!”. When I was trying to get him to give me hints he replied that it wasnt a bigger box with paper shavings and a smaller box inside. Under the t-shirts was (big surprise) paper shavings. So I dug through and found a toshiba notebook box( his notebook is a toshiba, but I didnt remeber him saving the box.), I asked if that was what was in the box…and then my heart stopped. He bought me a fucking computer, a green amythest and white topaz ring, an antique clock, a green polo sweatshirt, and many other wonderful things ! I think my mouth fell open and I just stared at him in shock. This was the sweetest most thoughtful gift I have ever received. It blew me away that he loved me so much to do something so sweet and nice. Then it hit me…he bought me a tshirt ( remeber the incident when he bought his new laptop? ). It was perfect so I started howling with laughter. Tears were streaming down my face from laughing so hard and being so overwhelmed at how thoughtful my life partner is. I have never had someone buy me such a gift and not because they felt guilty, or obligated, and without expecting anything in return. I was truely touched and overcome with emotions. I love this man so much, I have never before in my life felt this way about another human being. He is the gretest partner I could have ever wanted. And not because he bought me a very expensive gift, but the reasoning behind it and the sacrifices that were made. He loves me completely. He thinks about me and my needs and wants and then goes above and beyond to make sure I am happy. He puts me first and I have never known love in that way…the same way I love people is the way I deserve to be loved. He far exceeds my expectations on a daily basis. I could not ask for a better person to grow old with.

All my life I have been so afraid to truely let people into my heart (because I gave it away when I was 14 and it never got returned) I was sure I would be hurt. So I put up barriers to keep myself protected and I never really let anyone in after that. But in the last 18 months my heart has been unprotected and i feel stronger for it and the love that I have gained because of it is truely something special. I hope that my daughter can see my relationship and hope to have this kind of happiness as she grows and lets others love her. It doesn’t matter how much people love you if you don’t allow them in. They can try and you can try and convince them, but it will never be fulfilling and you will be left void and numb. It is scary to love and trust another human being with your heart. But if you can find one worthy of the task…it is life changing!!!

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